Last night we brought home a kitten and decided that the progressive, tolerant, humanitarian thing to do is not to force traditional, bigoted, cultural norms on this thing. We suspended our search for a name until it decides whether it wants to be a male, female, neutrois, androgynous, bigender, cisgender, gender-questioning, genderqueer, non-binary, pangender, two-spirit, or even a cat at all.

I suggested calling it “X” for now to symbolize the unknown, but word got out, and we offended some social justice warriors across the street. Told that I was guilty of cultural appropriation, I apologized. But then my critical thinking kicked in. I asked them to help me understand how we avoid being guilty of cultural appropriation when the right to free speech, among other liberty rights, is granted to us by a “white supremacist” document. All that did was anger them more. So, to avoid further picketing and our apartment being burned down, I abandoned reason and dumped the name.

We need a name, though. So, we sought inspiration from the LGBTQRSTUV community. Here were some options:

Amber Alert
Sarabelle Palsy
Sister Boom Boom
Paige Turner
Annie Depressant

But then my critical mindset kicked in again. I thought…many of these are still “girl” names. Amber, Paige, Annie. This doesn’t work. We are still pushing gender on this thing. Furthermore, how is this thing going to inform us of its gender choice, and is that something it would even decide? I couldn’t think of any animals that do this; yet, we do. Then I got to thinking…why do we, humans, get to decide? Why are we so different than the rest of the animal world even though I was taught that we are no different than them, other than that we evolved quicker. Are we exercising a form of “privilege?” Now I’m starting to feel guilt. I suggested to my family that we abandon traditional ‘human’ life and run naked in the forest with all the rest of the animal world.

But they weren’t having that. (You’ll have to excuse my family; they are not very educated.)

What to do. What to do….

Frustrated, I sat down at the table for a drink of Ole Smoky. This ‘thing’ jumped up on the table, rubbed its face against mine, slowly working its way down the side of its body, and put its butt in my face. I’m looking at my drink…I’m looking at its butt….i’m looking at its color….BINGO!


So, there you have it. We have officially named it Moonshine. And despite having undeniable evidence of its gender 1 inch from my nostrils, we have decided in favor of a non-binary, gender fluid identity….

…But then I realized, what right do I have to force that identity on it?….

… Ahhhhhhh…screw it. Enough of this stupidity.

Here’s the deal:

We have a cat.
The cat is a male.
He is a beautiful work of art by our Creator and Lord.
And his name is Moonshine.

The end.

Revelation 4.11: “Thou art worthy, O Lord, to receive glory and honour and power: for thou hast created all things, and for thy pleasure they are and were created.”